Where's My Father?

Marco.

Funny.

Sweet.

Honest.

Smart.

Loving.

Confident.

Careless.

Careful.

Caring.

Friendly.

Nice.

Experienced.

My best friend.

My love.

My secret passion.

My addiction.

Everything I want in a guy yet in love with someone else.

Friend Zoned.

We talk everyday.

We tell each others secrets all the time.

We never let each other go.

We always think of each other and care for one another.

It kills me that you love someone else.

It hurts that you talk to me about her and I listen while being a good friend.

You tell me how much you love her while I listen to all your words very closely.

I hope for you to realize how much I care about you but you can’t even notice me.

I shed tears for you yet I still send you a text with a smiley.

Girls usually put guys in the friend zone, now I feel the pain guys normally suffer.

Being friend zoned burns.

You don’t want them to go away but hearing their love for someone else makes you want to go away.

You want to tell them your feelings but afraid what might happen.

So you continue being the good friend you have been and listen to them be amazing.

You just have been friend-zoned.

Tears.

Sometimes I cry cause I am sad but then there’s those tears that come from no where so I sit and think as I cry, trying to solve the mystery of my tears. Once I resolve it, I stop crying and I then tear from my cuts on the sorrow wrists. The pain is relaxing unlike the embers in the back of the throat. Then I think I am being selfish by not appreciating life so when I am not bleeding out my tears and give up my hollow life to everyone else but then I get pushed and depressed because I am not doing good enough.

I just want to die and let go.

Suicide Letter Two.

Dear Legal Father,

You had me then you lost me.

You are an alcoholic and you need to realize to yourself that you had a wonderful woman but you scared her off along with her eldest daughter.

You have to change yourself by letting go and occasionally let people control you.

Woman can be dominant, stop scaring off the strong independent ones, there’s a lot out there.

You taught your eldest daughter to be pushed around by men by yelling at her constantly and telling her that she’s nothing.

Do you want all four of your daughters to be like that? To be afraid of marriage and let an jackass male control their lives?

I hope you realize that life can never go your way and it’s okay to just quit and look like the bad guy.

Don’t raise my sisters weak and afraid. Make them strong and independent. Never let them forget me.

Sincerely,

The Eldest Daughter You Lost

Suicide Letter One.

Dear Mama,

You lied too much to protect the truth which made me fight for my curiosity to be answered.

You gave me up for the first five years of my life and I stayed in Mexico.

You didn’t go to the abortion appointment.

You didn’t fill out the adoption forms.

You repeat “Why did I have so many damn kids?”

You speak of the life you would have had if you stayed single and never had kids.

You deny I was an accident but your story of how I was born is impossible to explain that I was planned; you know I know the truth yet you still deny it.

You lied to me about remembering my biological father’s name when the man who sadly took his place knew it.

You can be a horrible mother at times.

You are oblivious.

You are selfish.

You are childish.

You don’t know your daughters.

You don’t know me.

Sincerely,

Your first born

Alone.

Can be scary.
Can be peaceful.
Can be quiet.
Can be loud.
Can be safe.
Can be dangerous.
Can be helpful.
Can be harmful.
Can be dark.
Can be inspiring.
Can start life.
Can end life.